And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
