Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
