I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
