don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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