Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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