wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
