are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
