I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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