After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize