shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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