I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
