The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you win again, gameday.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
