I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize