no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
