In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
