I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
