do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
