so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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