4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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