i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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