Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
