I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Someone came in the potted fern
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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