i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
