My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize