so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
