Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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