Got a toothbrush?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
