So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
