I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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