U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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