Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize