remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
