I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
