1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I want to have your abortion
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
