Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
