even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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