I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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