I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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