that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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