I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
