I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
