I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
