S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
