Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
