Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize