stop calling my apartment porn island.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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