opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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