We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
