I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
