is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
