I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I love having hate sex.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
