Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
