Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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