Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
