Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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