Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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