oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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