I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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