Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
