He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
