actually, I'm a sock model
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
