You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
