They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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