spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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