Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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