Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
