remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
