I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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