I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize