I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
