I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
