the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
