dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
