I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
