I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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