we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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