just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
