How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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