we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
where are my eyebrows?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
