True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
