Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
