apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
why is half of my head shaved?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
