Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
