I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
