He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
