you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize