hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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