I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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