I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
