you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
