now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize