He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
