my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
