Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
