i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i dont even know how to be here
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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