My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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