I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
