when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
