Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
