think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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