So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
