Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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