What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
