New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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