why do cheetos always look like penises
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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