Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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