I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
