I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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