I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
