i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
